Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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