I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
