Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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