My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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