Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
