I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
