How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
