so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
