Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
