well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
