Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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