dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
