I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
