god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
