Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
