Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
