Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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