cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
