I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
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