Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
