I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Success! We fucked roommates!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
