he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
