But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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