shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
