Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
