I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
