So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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