i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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