My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
