Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
