i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
