what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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