I need help removing her.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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