I need help removing her.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
