Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
