I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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