And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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