Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
