Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
