I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
