took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
