I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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