She is in my trunk
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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