Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
