With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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