She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
