He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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