i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
