Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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