I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
