oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
as a side note pls kill me
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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