watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
