Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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